Q & A

I enjoyed this weekend, and taking your questions at church. Here are the answers to most of the questions. There are a couple more that may follow in the next few days.

-Pastor Randy

Q1: How do you deal with a jealous spouse?
A: First, a couple needs to come clean with their past. “What do you want to know? I will tell you anything but realize that some info I share may be painful to you and to me?” This commitment to “full disclosure” is difficult but necessary. Then, a couple needs to be regularly forgiving one another. As I mentioned this weekend, I call this “being current.” This requires regular one on one time together. No kids, no TV, no distractions. I find that jealousy usually creeps into a relationship when intimacy and transparency have been lost.

Q2: How do you know when you are ready to marry?
A: A person is ready to be married when he is able to leave father and mother, provide a home (income and a roof over head) for his new family, and is able to unite physically, mentally, and spiritually with his spouse. Most young people are able to unite physically and will be tempted to do so prematurely. Many young people will be tempted to unite physically and mentally with someone who does not love and serve Jesus. A person is not ready to marry until he is able to unite physically (sex), mentally (shared maturity, life goals, values), and spiritually (loving and serving Jesus) as a couple.

Q3: How do I encourage my husband to be more accountable as well as myself?
A: Most husbands naturally want to be unconnected and do life alone. Men often feel no need to be connected to other men who will provide encouragement and accountability. One of the reasons I am able to be accountable is Lydia’s willingness to give up some time with me so that I can meet weekly with other men. Sometimes wives nag their husbands about being connected, but give them no freedom to be away from the home for a couple of hours to be with other brothers in Christ. I am not talking about beer and a football game. I am talking about men meeting together to pray for one another and be accountable to resist sin. MAN CHURCH is a great way to encourage you husband to be more accountable.

Q4: Is it such a bad thing for us to be cautious of when we have children?
A: We have two (among many) directives in scripture regarding raising children. I will be preaching about your relationship with your child in two weeks. So I will be brief at this point. Directive #1-God says, “Be fruitful and multiple”. Directive #2-God says, “Bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord”. The challenge is that so many people are able to achieve the first directive but not the second. Are you able to raise children that love and serve Jesus? Then have babies!

Q5: Should my husband really come before my children?
A: I will talk about this in two weeks. If he doesn’t, he would rather live alone. Under God, you should both be each others' highest priority. If not, your marriage will be sad…and so will your children. The best gift you can give your children is to make your husband a higher priority.

Q6: Is it my job to change my spouse?
A: No, you can’t. God does not hold you accountable for your spouse's sins. You should study I Corinthians 7 and I Peter 3.

Q7: What if my husband is not seeking God for guidance to lead family? Do you still follow?
A: Take a look at I Peter 3. Yes, you should follow your husband, unless your husband is leading you to do something that clearly dishonors God.

Q8: How do I love my wife like Christ loves the church?
A: You are probably willing to take a bullet for your wife. But, are you willing to die daily…by turning off the TV, or saying “you go first,” or sacrificing your own “right” to something in order to make her happy. Are you willing to start finding your happiness in your wife rather than at the expense of your wife?

Q9: How do you stay strong when your husband is in a bad place?
A: Connect with other ladies who have gone through similar circumstances. I don’t know of any other way. One of the best ways to find those ladies is on Friday nights at Celebrate Recovery. You'll find you're not alone, and there are others that can help you through your circumstances.

Q10: IS it OK to marry a non Christian?
A: Take a look at the answer to question 2.

Q11: What if we have nothing in common?
A: I don’t quite know what this means. I married a beautiful, gentle lady who is the best wife and mother I know. In that sense, we have nothing in common. You should study your spouse. Get to know him or her better than anyone else. Become an expert. Then, you will appreciate the unique ways of your spouse. Then, you will appreciate the fact that your spouse is strong in areas that you are weak in and you will become a team.

Q12: IS it right to have separate checking accounts?
A: I would not say that this is morally wrong. But I don’t think it is wise. Becoming one involves sharing everything. Everything. However, if one spouse is financially irresponsible and can’t be trusted with finances, there may be a short period of time when two accounts are necessary. You should sign up for Financial Peace University, which begins in February here at Brownsville Community Fellowship church.